I find it amusing that whenever I see website articles on Japanese street fashion, I almost always see a picture of a Dir en grey cosplayer. Usually it's Kyo. I can always within the first second of seeing a pic identify someone as a Kyo cosplayer & it's usually Kyo during the Cage era. It's just amusing because they say something like "a Japanese teenager in elaborate costume displaying the gothic lolita style" or something wrong like that. There was a picture of two girls & I was fairly sure that they were cosplaying bandmembers & they said "an example of the GothLoli fashion" & they were obviously not gothic lolitas. It's amusing every time.

I would like to be friends with someone that I can just shut the fuck up with. Someone that won't try to make small talk if there's an awkward silence. Someone that when I'm with them, I won't feel like I need to make small talk to fill an awkward gap. My best friend is honestly the most dramatic friend I've ever had. I would just like someone that actually enjoys silence and just being there. I hate feeling like I have to talk or be social when everyone knows I'm clearly not. Unlike some people, I like just sitting, thinking, analyzing, doing anything but talking to everyone about everything that happens in my life. I'm a recluse at times and I don't show emotion that much. Just because things don't affect me that much. I've never gotten depressed. I'm happy sometimes. Poverty, disease, dying children do affect me because those are issues I feel are worthy of expressing great emotion. I'm not going to cry because someone said something negative about me. I suppose it's true when people say that I should show more emotion, but how can I if all of the emotions I experience are fleeting? I just don't think it's worth it to make a fuss if I'm going to return to a normal state after 3 minutes. I'm a lot more subtle than most whenever I do show emotion. Happiness comes across as a smile, perhaps jumping up and down if I'm super-excited. Sadness rarely shows up. I become detached when I'm angry.

I don't like it when people ask if I'm okay because what's the point. It's just an unnecessary effort because I'll feel fine a minute later. I work through things by analyzing it and thinking things over for a little while and then I'm fine a short while later. I just simply don't have many problems that would make me emotional. I think that I am more expressive than people make me out to be though. Besides, what's so great about being very emotional? Do you like it when people are squealing happily all the time? Or crying to you about everything? Or someone frothing at the mouth with rage? If I were to be more emotional, my feelings would probably culminate into anger towards those people that want me to be more emotional & I would be pointing out everything I find annoying about them and all of the things that they have done or said or bothered me about that made me want to punch them in the face. But, that would probably never happen because I would not to anger them and then they wouldn't be my friend anymore, etc. The other reason that wouldn't happen is because whatever I find annoying about them or what they have done, etc. I get over it. I get over it and move on. Perhaps that is something they should do?

AFI have been my favourite band ever since I was 11 & now I'm almost 15. I waited 3 long years for their new album & tour. I was going to attend the San Francisco show tomorrow but unfortunately there were quite a few complications. Luckily, a kind girl kindly accepted an offer that I would pay for her ticket & gas money as long as she drove me from Sacramento to the show & back. However, she had to work & her car isn't working that well. She said she felt bad but I said it was perfectly fine. & surprisingly it is. I just wasn't as excited as I should have been for this show. I pretty much knew that I probably would not be able to go especially since it would have been under clandestine operations but I still held hope.

I know that AFI are incredible live & everything (well, so I've heard from many many accounts) but I've just lost a lot of passion for them. Waiting for 3 years for an album & being a bit disappointed in the product will do things to one's enthusiasm. decemberunderground is a fairly decent album but to me it just doesn't have the same emotion and passion as they used to. I want to see AFI sometime in my lifetime, hopefully soon but I'm afraid that I may eventually be perfectly fine with not seeing them at all.

They have always adorned the spot as my favourite band for so long even though deep down I know they aren't anymore. I just feel like I have an obligation to say they are since they have seniority. I know I will always love AFI but currently Dir en grey deserves the spot of "my favourite band." I know that I could definitely not stand never seeing them live. Partly because they are just so much harder to see because they live on a completely different continent. Partly because I have never known a band with as much raw emotion, passion, power, & stage presence. None of the other bands that I like can say that their lead singer is so emotional & so invested in performing because it is his personal outlet for pain and feelings that he tears himself apart on-stage - spilling his blood on his adoring fans. Not for the sake of a good gory performance but possibly for his own sanity. His bandmates also wholly support him & never limit him. They don't stop Kyo from cutting or scratching or finger-hooking his mouth because they know that he can take it because he has a good idea of what his limits are. & when he does push past them ocassionally, they are there for him & are concerned about him. They have had the same line-up since the beginning & they have such loyalty to each other.

AFI show the same loyalty & friendship & that is one of the things I love about them. However, at this current moment they do not occupy the favourite band spot. I still cherish them but it will take a while for them to reclaim their spot; they will come back to me in time though.

I'm not all that disappointed by missing this show & I'm not sorry.   

Apparently, at the Family Values Live stop in East Troy, Wisconsin, Kyo was the only person at the Dir en grey meet-n-greet. For those of you who don't know, this is like end-the-world-tomorrow big. First, Dir en grey said that they didn't want any interaction with fans because they wouldn't want to treat any fan more special than the others. Then, they went ahead and did meet-n-greets for the FVT. Of course, Kyo didn't do any because he's rather anti-social and has said that humans are a fear of his. & he needs his 20 hours of sleep a day of course. Then, all of a sudden on some random date in some random city, Kyo decides to take on the meet-n-greet ALONE. This is catastrophic!! Maybe if someone else was out there with him, it would be a little easier to comprehend, but he was the only one out there, or so I've heard. Waaahh!! I don't think the Japanese fans are too happy about this. It just kinda angers me that I would have had a better chance to meet Dir en grey on this tour where they have a tiny 35 minute set than if I went to a headliner. Anyway, Kyo apparently has nice, soft hands & a firm grip. To all the Deg fans that got to shake Kyo's hand, feel special because you are. You had the little kawaii warumono's skin cells on your hand! I totally want to give Kyo a hug. It's so weird to think that Kyo's roughly my size, except 3 inches taller. Wah! he's the size of a 14 year old Vietnamese girl. Anyway, um, that's all I have to say about Kyo for now. I'm thinking I should feel even more envious but for some reason I'm not. Meh, you guys are still lucky bastards.

For me, school has started already. The early start is just compensating for our early release which was at the end of May, so I can't complain too much. It's certainly refreshing to be back but that's just because it's the first day. Of course, I'd rather just spend my days doing nothing like I did all summer but I need to go to school. The freshmen are so tiny & cute that I just want to pinch their cheeks. Some are even shorter than me which is surprising since I'm 5'0" maybe even 4'11". They all look pretty fresh-faced, confused, & bewildered. I've only come across two Sceney McScenesters which is good because we have plenty of Sceney McScenester juniors.

There was this one girl that was looking for room 308 & she was pretty frantic & I told her it should be downstairs at the end but she said it ended at 306 so I told her to try the rooms at the back row (kinda hard to explain). I'm sorry I couldn't help her more but I was already late to my own class but I was excused since there was a sign on the door that said the class was moved to 206. I still feel bad for that poor girl, but I'm sure she was fine because it's not like they give you a tour of the whole school & tell you where everything is, so she can't be blamed. Anyway, all-in-all, a pretty good return to school since it was just a whole bunch of teachers talking about their syllabuses & what-not.

However, I do admit that I'm a little disappointed in the new crop of students because none of them look intriguing enough to strike up a good conversation with. Not that many freshmen do, but I mean, I was interesting enough for seniors to talk to me when I was a freshman. In fact, none of the kids in school seem worthy of an attempt to befriend them. Seniors are boring; juniors are just trying so devastatingly hard to look "scene"; sophomores, well, they're there; & with the freshmen, I'll see if any interesting ones turn up. Yes, I know that three semicolons in a sentence just does not work. Meh, I'll see what tomorrow brings.  

I have decided that I'm going to become a frequent blogger. Or attempt to. My problem with blogs before was that I would always have extremely long entries. I still have that problem. The other problem was that I was afraid of friends & family reading my thoughts about them. I just try to avoid it or attempt to be very vague about someone, but sooner or later someone will know that I think they're a bitch & be hurt by it or think that I'm bitch for saying they are one. Neither options are pleasant, but I'm making this intro too long [problem no. 1...]. Anyway, hopefully the ratio of short & to-the-point/daily-life-occurrence blogs is more desirably balanced to the long arduous-to-read blogs. That is, the former being more abundant than the latter. Toodles, poodles.